Becoming a dad doesn’t just change your life… it changes the physical stuff too. Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there!
Instead of Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood” it’s Young Jeffrey’s “Now You’ve Got Dad Bod”
Yer Daddy Used to be mad hot,
He had a body Like Jean-Claude,
And then he fell for your Mom
So lately, now he’s got Dad Bod! (Hey!)
Been Wiping Bottoms…
with Scenes Darker than Gotham
He’s Done with Hittin’ the Clubs,
Unless you’re talkin’ bout Golf ones! (Hey!)
Before Kids, I was SO Ripped!
Looked like I came from the Hall of Justice!
Since Then, Dockers don’t Fit
Needing’ Underwear, that is more well constructed,
High School, I Was All League,
Coulda Gone Pro, til I suffered that Injury,
Now one Stair, Fatigues Me,
Was Aquaman! Now I’m Aqua-Manatee
I try so hard to, Not close my eyes
On Movie Night! *snore*
And yea i used to Rock Mohawks
Lately, i’m rockin’ more bald spots
My kids embarrassed at Drop Offs
Dressed in my Sandals & long socks! (Hey!)
Used to Sleep Sooo Long,
Now I’m Awoken Before Dawn,
Onto My Bed, the Kids Launch…
A Tiny Knee to my Crotch! (Ow!)
John Deere, Yea I’m That Guy
Front Lawn Nicer than the One at Versailles,
I “Slow Mow”, Makin’ it Last…
Yard Gets wet, When I’m up in dat Grass…
This Dry Wall, I can Punch Through,
Do it Myself, to remodel our Bathroom,
YouTube’d, “How to Calk Good”
Fixer up like Chip Gaines… Never Could
Ohhhh, Don’t Walk BareFoot…. You Might STEP ON….
I used to crash on a Friends Couch…
Sleep on the Floor of my Frat House…
Now If I hiccup, my back’s out!?
Sleep on my Side, it’s like Smack Down! (hey)
My TV’s the Largest,
that they were Selling at Target
I Turn on Disney Plus,
No I’m not Crying, Thats Dust! (Hey!)
Stick to Things I Love the Most,
Pictures of Seafaring Boats..
And Free T-Shirts, from Work Expos…(Work Expos!)
I’ll Re-Recite my Funny Tropes…
You Roll your Eyes at Every Joke…
Know you LOVE, the Fun I Poke…
“You Working Hard, or Hardly Working?”
How’d I get THIS WAY? No One KNOWS!
And I been Getting my Text on…
But Now My Cell phone has Large Font
My Vision Used to be Awesome,
And Now it’s more like a possum!
Feeding Kids Bottles…
While Growing hair Out my Nostrils,
Been Pluckin’ all the grey ones…
From out of Several Locations!
I get my Steaks Marbled,
Because i’m King of the Charcoal
Now Gordon Ramsey’s a Fraud!
And I’m a Barbecue God!
I know I got Dad bod
Now there’s more Daddy Here, to Love,
My Clothes, they fit like OJ’s Gloves
I’m like a Double-wide, Paul Rudd! (hey!)