If you’ve already cheated on your New Year’s Resolution… don’t worry, we won’t tell! Instead of Sam Smith’s “Unholy” It’s Young Jeffrey’s “Sneakin’ McFlurries!”

Lyrics:
WIFEY DON’T KNOW THAT I MADE A STOP
AT THE BURGER SHOP, CUZ I’M SNEAKING MCFLURRIES

5,4,3,2,1… Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!… I think this is it baby…
Things are finally gonna change for us this year…

Naughty Naughty Girl,
Swore January, she would drink no booze,
But found a way to get around those rules…
cuz jello shots aren’t really “drank”, they’re chewed

Shady, Shady Boy
Promised his girlfriend, he would eat more lean…
So now he leans over a bowl of ice cream…
She don’t know he’s been, Motorboatin’ Dairy Queen

PROMISED MY GIRL I’D BE HOPPIN’ ON
TO THE PELOTON, BUT THAT WAS BALONEY!

WASHBOARD ABS SHE’S BEEN WANTING ‘EM, I’LL BE FLAUNTING ‘EM,
THROUGH PHOTOSHOP ONLY

SORRY-ORRY-Oh! Still got a Body like,
MARIO!-ARI-Oh! I Mushroomed up a szie
Swore he would stop eating chocolate
But he Never said, white Chocolate did he?

Too spendy spendy, but this year we gonna fix it,
Told me stop buying Starbucks, but the Megabucks are different,
Got your Lululemons on,
Swore to me they were on Sale
Packages from Amazon,
Keep Arriving in Mail…
And we, we said we gotta, be much better drinking water,
But out in Russia “water” translates into Vodka!
Just Like in Die Hard, got your back like Danny Glover!
But behind your back, I’m Jason Bourne, Undercover!

Cuttin’ out carbs, til my body’s hot,
But the Pizza Shop, down the street has Stromboli
Vowed to learn, a new Language,
Practice Spanish, when I Visit Chipotle

OH-EE-OH-EE-OH!… Please Gimme Mucho Guaca-
MOLE-EE-OH-EE-OH!, and Queso Blanco, i’m a

Hit the Reset, When the Ball-y Drop!
Just like Microsoft, press Ctrl, Alt, Delete!
Hide in the Kitchen Pantry…
So she Can’t Find me, while Sneaking McFlurries

Resolutions they were all for naught,
Like a Twitter Bot, their promise so phony

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