If you’ve ever been uncomfortable as a plus-one at a wedding, then this song should be right up your alley!
Instead of “I’ll Make A Man Out Of You” from Disney’s Mulan, it’s Young Jeffrey’s “Somehow I Dirty Danced With The Groom!”
Wedding vows I Witness
as my date’s, Plus One!
Squinting at the Altar,
Directly in, the sun!
I know Zero of these other guests
I’m overdressed, and Awkward Too…
Then my Cell… rang as she, said “I Do”
Bride is Looking gorgeous!
Down the aisle, gliding
I don’t even know her
yet I’m still, Crying!
Then somehow her train and My Foot got Caught…
And when She tripped, her Bouquet Flew
As she fell, hit her Mouth… on a Pew!!!
I shrug & I raise my Hands,
The Grass here must be Slippery?
I ain’t Missing out on Chicken Skewers & Shrimp!
The brides mom tried to rub my Chest!
Whys she giving’ me her Room Key?
I’m just here for the Free Booze & Some prime rib!
Drawn to the Bar, like a moth to a Flicker
BOTH MY HANDS!
To stuff my cake hole, with Crab Rangoon!
THE FIRST DANCE!
The Father Daughter dance So Inspired!
But it got No Laughs, When I yelled Out: “GET A ROOM!”
Tried to fake an accent,
Sound like Mrs. Doubtfire, (ooo, yes dear)
Knocked a Candle Over,
now Table 4’s, a Pyre!
On the dance Floor… I’m a Dinosaur!
I only got, 4 Basic Moves
Somehow I, dirty danced with the Groom?!
Told me ‘bout her overactive Bladder…
Showed pics from his Florida Swinger’s Cruise…
THE BEST MAN!
His Speech was Rapped out like Marshall Mathers…
And went on so Long, Three Old Folks Left… in TOMBS!!!
They Left me out the Group table Picture…
CHECK MY PANTS!
I Lost my Stub for the coat check room…
CAKE WAS BLAND!
I still feel guilty for what transpired…
Forgot the brides name, in my video interview!