It’s COSTCO’s 40th anniversary! From free samples, to bulk buys, to the magically priced-hot dog, there’s nothing quite like it. Instead of Miley Cyrus’ “We Can’t Stop” it’s Young Jeffrey’s “We Must Shop!”
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You want Sharpies, You can buy ’em in BULK
You want Jerky, You can get it in BULK
Wart & Foot Cream, You can have ’em BULK
Only sell ‘em IN BULK
Gotta Get ’em in BULK
Red Vests & Shopping Carts are Everywhere
Aisles reaching 40 feet up in the air
Feel like a Boss, when I enter
Flash My Card, ya “Executive Member”!
When I Roll into a Costco
It’s Like this Warehouse is my Ware-Home
Keepin’ everything low-priced
Wholesale Paradise, So nice!
Got New Washing Machines
Buckets of Proteins,
They got everything you want,
They Don’t got bags,
Cuz Boxes will Do
And We Must Pop!
Been in that Mini-Quiche Line Ten Times,
Doris been Giving Me that Stink Eye
But we Can’t Stop…
Taste these Pork Chops
Bought a Whole Pallet of Pre-Sliced Cheese
Shouldn’t have come here with the Munchies, Yeah, Yeah!
You want Muffins, You can buy ’em in BULK
Chickpea Hummus, yea they make it in BULK
Dino Nuggets, with an 80oz Coke
Just Enough To Feed Hulk
So Much Coffee, I’m Woke!
Got enough Charmin Rolls Stacked up
Think I Could Wipe the whole world’s butts
I dont like Mayo in Small Jugs
I Buy My Hellmans, by the Bathtubs!
Moaning as I Bite into a Chicken Bake
Makin’ Sounds, I’ve Heard my Mom & Dad make..
The Long Lines are Worth it,
Costco’s Perfect, yeah, yeah,
Wearing Kirkland Jeans,
Eating Kirkland Beans,
Having Kirkland Dreams
Shouting Kirkland Screams of Fun!
with Kirkland Tattoos!
And I Could Shop…
til my Heart Stops
If this store is gonna take my life
At least they sell caskets at Value Price.
When I BULK Shop
6-Pack of Mics, Drop!
Bought an Electric Golf Caddy
I don’t even golf, but the deal’s too sweet! Yeah, yeah
I Love Costco, like a Rapper Loves Buns
I Chose “Kirkland” as the name for my Sons
Eat 10 Hot Dogs Every Time that I Come
Buying Super-Strength Tums
By the Metric Tonnes
You need Tools? Go & get ’em at Costco!
Blocked Stools? They’ll relieve you at Costco!
Swimming Pools? Ya, they sell em at Costco!
Real Jewels, Go propose at a Costco!
Say Yeaaa, Yeaaa… Yea!!
And we Can’t Stop…
And We Must Shop
Buying up items that we don’t Need
40-Pack Bundles of Dry Seaweed…
Makes My Eyes Pop
And My Tears Drop
Smellin’ that Chicken-Rotisserie,
Smiley Face Written on my Receipt, yeah yeah!
Went to Costco for some paper Towels
Left with a Kayak & two Giant Steel Vaults
Signed me up for some Solar Panels
With a Worker Named Paul
He’s Too Nice to Say “NO”